I am broken. But I'm not fragile.

I started writing this as a facebook status, but then realized it's more complicated than that. And I also don't want to speak FOR Drew. And that's how it was coming out. Drew really isn't the type of person to word vomit all over the internet (though, obviously, he supports my decision to do so... most of the time ;) ) But I felt I needed to post a follow up.

First and foremost, THANK YOU for the overwhelming support! It was actually overwhelming, honestly... But in the best kind of way. And I don't think words are enough to express just about grateful I am for all of you, all of the kind words, and all of the honest to goodness support. I think (I know) I have the tendency to grit my teeth and bare it... I have always had a lot of stress and obstacles in my life and I'm always very reluctant to ask for help. I'm so glad I went out of my comfort zone and just laid it all on the table. The response has been inspiring. So again, thank you.

This is such a vulnerable experience. The act of giving birth is such a uniquely woman experience. And as you all know I am a huge supporter of the right to choose parenthood (or not), it was a huge shock to hear that my body had decided that I was the enemy again. BUT -- I am not and never have been fragile. I am honestly the toughest person I know. And I am even stronger since having a partner like Drew. We are going to fight this battle head on in the best possible way for us as a family. And having the love and support of our friends and extended family is the best gift we could get this holiday season. Things are going to be emotional, but please don't feel like I'm one facebook pregnancy announcement away from a mental break. I'm not.

And most importantly... Remember I have ALWAYS had an inappropriate sense of humor. That's part of the reason many of you adore me so ;) So when I post things about shriveled up ovaries, just know that it's may way of coping. It's not me saying I'm hopeless. If I'm feeling hopeless and depressed I'll say so (because in addition to having an inappropriate sense of humor, I'm also extremely direct). But otherwise, it's just a sarcastic/hilarious way for me to deal. Laughter is the best medicine, right?







As for a medical update:

- I finally got my test results from Women's Health Care Associates. They never mailed them to me like I asked and then gave me the run around for two days, both on the phone and at the office. But I finally got them. Guess who explained what I was looking at? MY CHIROPRACTOR. Shout out to all the fabulous chiropractors I've had and a super awesome shout out to Therapia in Portland. WONDERFUL group of ladies (chiropractic, massage and acupuncture) who collaborate with each other and the client to do some amazing holistic medicine. LOVE THEM. Go see them!

- My chiropractor pointed out that although my EDL levels are low, they did go up the second time they did the blood draw. AND, the first blood draw was two days after my car accident. I have another friend who is looking at the test results from an experienced lens. I'm not actually as worried about it as I was before. Not to say that I'm DEFINITELY convinced I'm going to get pregnant. I'm just realizing it's not the whole picture.

- I'm going to a naturalpath tomorrow who works with crystals and other weird things I'd never consider in a million years. But, she was suggested to me by a teacher at one of my internship sites. So I'll give it a go.

- Our insurance seems to cover some costs of infertility. Not really sure how much, but some of it. So that's a relief.

- Doctors are assholes when they abuse their power and forget they are talking to humans.